You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
