Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize