I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
