Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
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Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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