i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
