I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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