She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
false alarm, still single
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