oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
