so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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