I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I love having hate sex.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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