I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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