Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
