I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
