I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
