dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
