I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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