I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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