Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
