Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
