Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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