I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
