You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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