It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
