My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
