i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I want her autograph on my taint
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
