I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
