Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
