guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
