Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
