He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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