I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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