I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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