Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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