please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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