I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
