I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize