my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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