its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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