In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
