That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
