Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
