I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
