I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
