i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
