dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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