Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
