We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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