im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
