Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
