dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
