I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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