some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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