sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
