remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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