I love black thongs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
