Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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