at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize