What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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