I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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