At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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