If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
