Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
