I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
