It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
