Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
