You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Farmville is her only friend.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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