Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
