I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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