ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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