Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
