If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
