There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
