I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
