Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize