Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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