I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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